Name:Darren Country:United States State:California Gender:Male
Interests:I love praising God, listening to music, playing Spider Solitaire, working on the house, dreaming with my wife, and of course being in Mammoth with the crew and snowboarding! Expertise:I'm okay in a lot of things...master of none. Ha ha ha...maybe that's why I was a Liberal Arts major? Occupation:Student Industry:Nonprofit
i know there are three things that i love that most people don't: 1. running 2. writing 3. reading. well, maybe not the 3rd one, but i know a lot of people who have told me that they don't like the first two. i think for me, running is a good thing. i have picked up my running in the mornings, which has really helped me to slow down and think. funny, huh?
but for me, that's what running will do. i eat, read the sports, wait...then strap on my iPod and shoes and hit the road. and that's when the Lord's really challenged me lately, spawning these journal entries. i'm currently not reading anything right now, which isn't good, but with Jordan around, it's been tough carving out time to read. but the Lord's really met me on the road as i run and listen to sermons. Lately i've been listening to Francis Chan. an amazing speaker. it's to the point now that i look forward to my time with God and Francis.
i forgot how much i love to write. for me, i process my thoughts the best when i write. maybe it's because i'm a visual person and need to see it written down. don't know. i know for sure i tend to write in spurts...like this xanga. i don't write for a year, then i write three times in a week. i don't know why...but the Lord's really slowing me down right now. maybe it's because He's building disciplines in me right now; like...He's preparing my heart for Him once again. i know with all the changes going on, i've really pushed the Lord toward the back and i didn't know how things were going to find their places in my life.
but the Lord is faithful and is rebuilding my heart for His service. i want to be in a place where my sole mission in life is to please Him. much like the apostle Paul, we have a mission in life. i want to run the race for Christ. i want to finish this marathon in life and be able to cross the finish line and say, "i gave it all i had, and i finished well for the Lord."
now i've been working at Biola for about a year and a half now, and it's an amazing place. when i started, the President, Dr. Clyde Cook, had been there for 25 years and was stepping down about six months into my working there to retire. last month, after 10 months of retirement, he passed away. and at every celebration, every service, the word that came out of people's mouths was this: "Well done, good and faithful servant."
that's the kind of legacy i want to leave this planet with; not one about me, but one that points to the Lord. it wasn't my works, what i did. but that i was a vessal, used by Christ for His glory.
so my question for you is this: what kind of legacy do you want to leave...
i've always heard that if/when i got married, i'd finally realize how selfish i am. when jen and i got married, i still didn't feel like i was all that selfish. maybe a little, but nothing huge...
...then we had jordan. whew! am i selfish. she has been a huge challenge to me. she's changed our whole life! everyone had also told me that: when you have a child, it changes everything. jen and i have been talking about that over these past few weeks. i think in my mind, i knew things would change; i guess i just didn't know how they would change. i miss the 'simple' days of coming home from work and asking jen what she wants to do for the night. should we go see a movie? go out to eat? make dinner? just sit and watch the yankees or lakers? choices were endless! now don't get me wrong; i love jordan with everything i have, and wouldn't change that for the world. she's beautiful and i miss her every minute i'm away.
but i realized, i don't like changing diapers all that much, or rocking a crying baby to sleep, or sitting up exhausted and frustrated because jordan doesn't do what i want. why? because i'm selfish. i want to do what i want to do.
it reminds me of John 15. Jesus is talking with the disciples and makes a statement: "I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch that doesn't produce fruit, and He prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more." NLT
i feel like i'm being pruned, cut up of my selfishness to see His goodness and love. jen's been a great example to me about love and sacrifice. i know she's exhausted, tired, and stressed because of jordan. constant feedings, late nights, early mornings, spit ups, diapers, and letting me sleep because i'm back at work. i want to be that kind of example of Jesus' love and sacrifice. i love my wife...and i love my child.
i love history. history fascinates me. i watch it, read it, and study it. one of my favorite websites nowdays is wikipedia. i love figuring stuff out, why things were the way they were, and how it impacts the present and future. but i realize it's really easy for me to hold on to my own history and not let it go. case in point: at work, i gave some wrong advice and it went all the way up to the president's office. oops. my supervisor told me about it and was very gracious, and that was the end of it. but me, i held on to it for awhile...thinking about how i made a mistake.
as i was running today i was listening to relient k's song, "up and up" and it got me thinking about the past. here's a part of the lyrics:
Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history and what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see (what you see)
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be
//chorus.
Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of
And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me
For you
A better version of me
For you
history is good to know and helps keep me anchored and grateful to those who've gone before us and sacrificed for us. it also helps to remind me that mistakes in the past are just that: in the past. i can't change it...but it's good to know that we have a Savior who has taken all my sins and given me new life. Christ died not for me to continue to live in the past and hold on to all of 'my stuff', but He freed me, all of us, and given us the freedom to look toward the future with joy and thanksgiving.
i want to be a better version of me...not for jen, not for jordan, but for my Lord Jesus Christ. it's all for Him.
i am a safe person. until i feel really comfortable about something, i won't step out and try it. it could be something as simple as new food, or driving, or something at work.
but i believe there are moments in time where we need to take risks; to step out in faith and go. i've had a few of those in my life. some, i've actually stepped out and followed Jesus and did what He had laid on my heart. most of the time, i play safe, sit, and watch that 'window of time' fly by. one of my favorite movies is braveheart. the speech william wallace gives to the Scotish army will always resonate in my heart:
William Wallace: Sons of Scotland! I am William Wallace. Second Soldier: William Wallace is seven feet tall! William Wallace: Yes, I've heard. Kills men by the hundreds. And if HE were here, he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightning from his arse. [Scottish army laughs] William Wallace: I AM William Wallace! And I see a whole army of my country men, here, in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight? Soldier: Against that? No, we will run, and we will live. William Wallace: Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!
i think of that and wonder...will i take that chance? in living a life with Christ, we have those 'windows', those opportunities to declare Jesus Christ and share the life giving message He's given us with others. as i think of this past week for all you Cerritos Dons out there, it's been a hard week. but remember the message of Christ. take the open door that Jesus has given...
"...so dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and share Christ with your friends?"
i would. i missed that chance in high school. don't make the same mistake i did. share Jesus Christ with all you can!
i've been reading a lot of news about cheating in sports. you can't watch sportscenter or any sports show without mention of it. and i find it kind of sad that it's just upon the sports scene...and limited to just that. we cheat in LOTS of things: taxes, driving laws, time at work, lying, etc. our society may know the meaning of the word 'integrity', but we sure don't live it. some of the most common excuses i always hear [or make!] are these: everyone's doing it. it's not a big deal. i'm not hurting anyone. no one will ever find out.
does that make it ok? are those really valid excuses or just cop outs? living a life of integrity means all the time, where ever we are.
in the book of peter, there is a command: be holy, for I am holy.
if Jesus Christ is your Lord, that's not a wish or a suggestion. we are to live like Jesus is with us, not like He's just at church. it's something i struggle with everyday...but He's given us the strength and power to live it out. seek HIM. honor HIM in all you do...
...even when you're at a stop sign with NO ONE around for miles. would you stop? something to think about...
